Humility...oo-meel-ee-tay

I can lose an argument and be okay.

I can lose face and be okay.

I can not have the last word and be okay.

Ouch.  Even writing those words is a struggle.  Last night at Bible study we talked about the concept of humility in relationship to other believers, specifically in the context of 1 Peter 5:5-7.  One of the ideas tossed around was the picture of humility as a people-centered, not superiority-centered attitude toward discourse.  

Sometimes humility means being vulnerable to the appearance of inferiority.  

There is a difference between knowing the truth (God is right) and having to win the argument (I am more right than you).  That doesn't mean always backing down, and it doesn't mean diluting the truth.  It does mean, to quote the old adage, not "beating them over the head" with the truth.

I like to argue: politics, world affairs, philosophy, history, academia - you name it. These debates are not a matter of life or death (even as November approaches), but you would never know it for the intensity of my desire - my need - to win. To be right. To be vindicated. But why?

To quote Donald Miller in Searching for God Knows What, I am living according to lifeboat theory: 

"If people are in a lifeboat, the reason they feel passionately about being a good person and all is because if they aren't, they are going to be thrown overboard. ... when you really think about it, these wants we have, like wanting to be right, wanting to be good, wanting to be perceived as humble, wanting to be important to people and wanting to be loved, feel perilous, as though by not getting them something terrible is going to happen."

When I read 1 Peter, I often overlook the caveat that follows the directives to be holy and to be humble: "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (5:7). I need to remember that it is safe to lose face because I am in a relationship with God, the source of worth.  It is safe to be vulnerable because His love for me is not dependent on the opinions of others. 

1 Peter 2:23 reminds me that it is not weakness; it is knowing Whose opinion matters and being strong enough to let the rest go.

That doesn' t mean I like losing arguments (I don't).  It doesn't mean I will stop trying to persuade people that I am right (I am).  But it does shift my focus, so I no longer have the sense that I am racing for a safe haven that only has room for one. 

(...and since this post spontaneously deleted itself the first time, requiring me to retype it from memory, apparently God is telling me the message still needs a little drilling.)  More on the Boston trip next time...