10. Candy corn will probably be made an illegal stimulant at some point in the near future.
9. Trying to translate one's Latin sentences into Elvish instead of English is a good indication that one should go to bed.
8. Protocol matters: Dropping a book in the 24-hour study room is cause for Class 3 dirty looks after 10 p.m.
7. Coughing is cause for Class 2 dirty looks at any time.
6. Setting off alarms on doors to restricted areas is cause for Class 1 A+++ dirty looks and, if repeated, of expulsion from the society of conscientious graduate students nationwide.
5. Coffee shops secretly pay professors to assign their papers all in the same week.
4. Anything involving stairs after Hour 15 should be avoided.
3. There are 29 specks of dirt on the window in the study lounge which, if examined with the head at a 13.5 degree angle for two minutes consecutively, resemble a small kangaroo jumping over a Christmas bell.
2. Productivity = (0.5 x cups of coffee) + (1/hours-until-deadline) - (0.7 x hours-spent-working) / time-of-day-in-military-time. and...
1. You are a graduate student.