My dear germ friends...

You germs always have the worst timing. I mean really. Is it too much to ask that you would check Google Calendar before you move in?

Don't tell me Germ Central doesn't have high speed internet yet. I know you viruses share passwords. That's right. Busted.

Staircase Strategems

**All new, behind-the-scenes look at the world of dramatized sports that is Jen versus the Stairs.**

Stairman of the Ratings Advisory Board: All right folks, listen up. We've seen a pretty substantial drop in our ratings this month, something about football season - what's up with that? - so it's time for a serious comeback, and I want everyone on board. Alistair, wow me.

(Recently hired) Tread Coach: Well Casey, the plan is to inaugurate the 2010-2011 season with a bang. Something to make them hearken back to the days before WWF stood for World Wildlife Fund. I'm picturing a bold ankle-roll-and-full-face-plant-on-the-back-stairs-of-the-library extravaganza.

(Long Silence)

Stairman: I think I'm going to like you...

Starting Monday Off Right

What better way to get your Monday off to a great start than by...?

...feeling like a fashion guru because, if nothing else, you know that your pockets should probably not be longer than your shorts.

...chuckling with the triumph of waking up before the alarm clock can have the last word.

...getting Trogdor the Burninator's theme song stuck in your head for no reason..."burninating the country-side..."

...walking into the bathroom, snapping your fingers, and having the lights turn on in response to your command. Anyone who says they are operated by a motion detector and would have turned on anyway is just a Monday Marplot.

So there.

Happy Monday!

Tonight's Epic Question

Why are conclusions so ridiculously hard to write?

One would think it would be easy to summarize three weeks' experience into 4 pages, right?*

I think my ability to summarize decreases exponentially after midnight. I'm fading fast.

One more paragraph.

One more.

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*Please note the thinly disguised irony in this statement.

Re(ally)(im)port(ant)s(tuff)

The fun (term used loosely) part of going on research trips is writing the reports afterward. Friday being my deadline, today is the day of writing.

It's amazing how quickly the first excited rush of ideas and inspiration gets buried under the quotidian workload. Time to unearth it, dust it off, and redact three weeks into five pages, one paragraph, and three sentences of interesting material by this afternoon.

A picture is worth a thousand words, right?

I took a lot of pictures.

Ergo...

*slaps hand* Bad student. Very bad student. Stop procrastinating. Since I'm currently running on five hours of sleep, there's only one important question: Got coffee?

Yes. Yes I do.

I am invincible.

The Look is Changing

As you may have noticed, the look of my blog is changing. It's a work in progress, so if you have comments or suggestions, please let me know! Thanks for stopping by...

Sorry Feet

Lesson of the day:

Asphalt absorbs sunlight.

When asphalt absorbs sunlight, it converts it to heat.

Apparently, asphalt can reach 140 degrees on a hot summer day.

Even if maximum heat is not reached, it's fairly safe to say asphalt gets hot.

Bare feet do not appreciate those levels of heat.

Even very cooperative feet that usually do well without shoes.

Walking faster doesn't quite do the trick.

Ergo, crossing asphalt parking lots in direct sunlight in the late afternoon in August barefoot...

Ouch.

Sorry feet.

Admission of Geekiness

The paradox of graduate school: with probably 30 books on my reading lists for classes, four jobs to juggle, and research reports to complete, I'm having a hard time putting down a book that was (before this morning) on none of my reading lists, and that I merely saw while scanning the shelves of the library.

Go figure.

Unfortunately, for now the preface to Spivak's A Critique of Postcolonial Reason will have to remain in abeyance.

"...Thus the reader's place is as unsecured as the writer's. But is that not the status of all texts, resisted in the writing and the reading?"

Back to School. Lol.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Year Two Resolutions

Well, it's happening again. Year two of my M.A. in English has officially begun. I celebrated by discovering that I now associate the smell of the library, especially the study rooms, with David Lynch. When that happened, I have no idea.

As befits another school year, I have immediately commenced making long-winded and ridiculous resolutions that will be broken .2 seconds after I receive my first assignment. Nonetheless, for your reading pleasure, I present,

Resolutions to which Every Studious Overachieving Learner Under Thirty Is Obliged to Nominally Subscribe*

1) I will not, will not give in to the lure of Starbucks before every 3 p.m., 2.5 hour class.

2) Projects will not, will not be completed the night before they are due.**

3) I will bring an umbrella to school on rainy days.***

4) I will not, will not use Facebook as a reward for every sentence I type.

5) I will not, will not allow the stairs to have the last word.****

Sounds pretty straightforward, right? I can do this. I can. Really. Go. Done.

...

Right.

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*Did you notice that amazing split infinitive? Mwahahaha
**Notice the lovely ambiguity that allows projects to be still incomplete the night (and morning) before they are due...
***But may leave it in the car.
****Even if all I get to add is "ouch."